I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
