I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
