I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
