Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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