If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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