What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
