I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
