I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
