we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
