dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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