Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there's paper in my vomit.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
