My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
