If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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