You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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