"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
