Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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