just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
