Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
