Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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