i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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