i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
