so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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