i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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