I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
