My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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