not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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