Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
