Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
