Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You left your phone here
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