When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
