i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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