but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
