I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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