I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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