he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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