Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
