Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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