If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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