Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
