i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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