Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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