I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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