I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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