She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
