I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just pee around me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
