i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
