I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
