Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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