ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
