Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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