When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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