The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
