im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
