I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
