It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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