i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
