I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
