How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
