My first STD was from a foam party
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
