Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
