Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
