i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
