If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
