i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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