Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
