I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
