Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I AM VODKA MAN
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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