My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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