So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
