Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
