forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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