I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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