Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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