Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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