I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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