Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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